kerjen: (Default)

Summary: Amy’s perfume company created a new fragrance and the Doctor couldn’t miss the mane of golden curls in the ad. The woman they belonged to is gorgeous, bold, his. Actually, he belonged to her, the one everyone in the shop either wants to be or to be with.

Note: Thank you to Starjargon for the beta! I made a few changes afterwards, so any mistakes are not her fault. :)



The Doctor landed the Tardis outside the shop where he had worked while fixing the Cyberman problem with Craig Owens. He needed new bowties and getting them here had added benefits. He came a bit in the future so he wouldn’t cross his timeline, but he hoped he might also catch Craig and Sophie shopping. If nothing else, he remembered from his time here that the store had a really good selection. Inferior robot dogs though. No offense to Yappy but he was no K9.

That was when he saw it. The banner hung just where Amy’s Petrichor advertisement had been.

Amazon. For the woman who shows no mercy. River looked out with a peek of a modern robe influenced by ancient Greece, clasped on one shoulder, and maybe a chest plate? She had grown her hair too, and he loved it when she wore it this long. Elegance with wildness, everything an Amazon should be. Her look smoldered and dared someone to take her on.

A crowd swarmed around a new counter that hadn’t been there when he had worked in the toy department. Smaller versions of River’s ad were strategically placed to draw the eye. Music sounded through speakers and rose in a swell that pulled even him away from looking at River. He understood why they added this counter for Amy’s perfumes.

Large TV screens dominated the walls forming the corner behind the display. Two women in silhouette walked towards the camera. No one could mistake the figure on the left as anyone but River, not with that hair, and he knew from experience the other woman was Amy. Their walks spoke of a woman’s commanding presence, all feminine with a sway in the hips and all strength with strides that owned the ground they walked on.

They moved in slow motion and though the Doctor appreciated the cuts to women of all walks of life who had an Amazon in their hearts, he honestly had eyes only for one woman in the video.

The Doctor could see how River moved like her mother because of that unmistakable, glorious Pond in them, yet River had her own inherent strut, too. That was how it should be. He still thought the crowd had to be blind not to see they were related, but he guessed he couldn’t blame normal, linear people for not thinking timey-wimey. He conveniently ignored the fact he hadn’t guessed they were mother and daughter either until River pointed out the obvious.

He imagined them filming this commercial with Amy turning to her daughter to override the director and saying, “Just walk, River. You don’t need to act,” and fitted her words to actions by doing the same thing. Like anyone had to tell River how to be herself, but he pictured that grin aimed at her mother for being so mum about it and for knowing her so well. Amy would have checked River’s outfit, tweaking here and there, and smoothing the suit across the shoulders and down the arms. She had picked up the maternal habit and River gloried in it. He just knew she had suggested Amy be in the video with her; being solo in the print ads was one thing, but she’d never miss the chance to walk by her mother’s side. Amy, of course, would jump at the idea and give a grinning, “Let’s do this!”

They came into the light with no smiles but matching looks that dared anyone to just try it. The Doctor mentally added points to Rory for being the one who had taken Amy’s dare -- with a little push from his best mate and as yet unknown daughter. The Doctor deducted two points for that necessary push. Fair was fair.

They moved in real time once they were no longer in silhouette. Amy was dressed in her black suit and River wore an identical jacket but with a skirt, and -- Oh Rassilon, their shoes! Although, truthfully, he only noticed River’s, but he was sure Amy’s were nice too. It was Rory’s job to notice hers.

As they reached the end of their walk, they turned to each other while still looking at the camera. The Amazon logo came up between them and repeated the tagline, For the woman who shows no mercy. Another line was added: You’re lucky if she chooses you.

The crowd ate it up. Hands reached for the bottles and women teased their men, “So what do you think? Are you man enough for me?”

Petrichor with its classic ad of Amy and the tagline For the girl who's tired of waiting stood on some shelves and so did its successor, Pandorica: For the woman worth waiting two thousand years for. Women taunted their wives and husbands, girlfriends and boyfriends: “You’d wait two thousand years for me.”

Some agreed wholeheartedly; others joked, “Maybe five hundred years, but I might get bored after that.”

Every age reached for the newest perfume. He heard women who were -- as River put it -- “all sort of mature” -- discussing how glad they were for a fragrance that included them. They were not “For the girl who” anything, no offense to Amy Pond, especially as she didn’t aim Amazon solely for the thirty and under crowd. It belonged to everyone, from Amy to River, especially River whose face claimed the product for her assumed age group.

Women picked up the bottles and he saw two expressions. Some smiled with the knowledge that they were the hell in high heels women who grabbed life under their own agency, and others, including the twenty year olds, wanted to be River.

He had seen a little girl ask for Amy’s autograph when he first saw Petrichor. He bet they would ask River too because Melody Pond was a superhero.

He heard a woman inquire, “The one who owns the company, that’s Amy Pond, right? Who’s the other woman?”

“Wait a moment.” The clerk reached for what must be marketing material. “It says here... ah, Melody Lake.”

The Doctor’s grin carried nearly ear to ear -- River being both up front about her real name that linked her to her mother, but also secreting it away for the only people she let use it: her parents and him.

People came up and asked what they had missed. The Doctor heard the clerks say the video repeated every fifteen minutes and he seriously considered staying around to see it again. Then he decided Nah, he would just have the Tardis download it.

Men bought the perfume too, for the women in their lives or maybe for themselves. The only people the Doctor saw refuse to buy it were fathers of young teens, because what dad wanted to think of his underage daughter as a woman who shows no mercy?

He got into the queue and bought a bottle of Amazon. The woman behind the counter shrieked when a couple pieces of his money ran like beetles across the glass before he hurriedly put them back in his pocket and switched them for pound notes. He hadn’t made that mistake since his seventh incarnation. Still, he still thought the clerk overreacted; Ace hadn’t gotten that worked up when it happened in front of her.

He got out of the crowd and fumbled in his pockets until he found a pen. He wrote “Don’t I know it” under the line, For the woman who shows no mercy. He circled where it said you’re lucky if she chooses you on the back of the box and added an arrow to where he wrote, “Me.”

He would put it on display in the Tardis so River would be sure to see it; the Old Girl would know to hide it from versions who hadn’t modeled for the advertisements yet. He pictured her reactions: a laugh where she threw her head back; a smirk at the Me and a teasing, “Are you so sure, Sweetie?”; a sultry look with a fingernail stroking the Don’t I know it and a throaty, “Want to show me how well you do?”

Any of those would be good. All of them-- he swallowed even as the ancient man inside him made a primal noise. He would make that utterly male growl out loud when she was there to hear it.

That reminded him: new bowtie. Something for River to undo after she put the perfume down and pressed close against him. No, after he moved to her and waited for the signal that his note “Me” was true.

He caught men and women glancing at River in her ads, imagining they could be the one to take on her dare. Not you, he bragged to himself. The atavistic feeling and the power of a Time Lord showed in his stance as he strode to the men’s department.

kerjen: (Default)
“Hi,” Rory said as he put his wallet down on the small counter of the outside stand. “I need four milkshakes, one chocolate and vanilla-”

The guy behind the counter didn’t look up from his phone. “We’re closed.”

“Closed?” Rory looked down at the front of the stall. “Your sign says you’re open ‘til 10.  It’s only--”

“I don’t care what the sign says. We’re closed.”

“Look, I’m just trying to get a few milkshakes--”

“You look, pal!” The guy glowered at him. “I already closed the till so just bugger off!”

Rory leaned on the counter, but not at all threatening despite what he said. “You really don’t want to do that.”

“Why, what are you gonna do? Turn your head and hit me with your bloody big nose?”

“Okay.” Rory took a casual step back to get out of the way of what was about to happen. Two forces of nature came up on either side of him and two arms crossed over his chest to push him further out of the way.

The ginger tigress on his left stormed, “I did not just hear you tell him that!”

While the golden lioness on his right roared, “Did I hear you give him an attitude?! You?

Their target managed to get his hands up in a placating gesture and made the biggest mistake of his night. “Look, loves, how about --”

Loves?!

Loves?!

They didn’t talk individually after that. “Did you just call me love?! You think -- Oh, we’re in love now?  Seriously? Because I don’t remember falling for a -- I know you don’t think you’re better than him! -- things in the rubbish bins are more -- how about you open that till before you learn what bugger off can look like -- who are you planning to call on that mobile? Your mum? Fine, mine’s here and she’d love to talk to her!“

The Doctor stood back with Rory and glanced at his watch. “New record. He went from arrogant to terrified in 5.7 seconds.”

Rory shrugged. “I warned him.”

“I think the pal thing triggered them.”

Amy and River didn’t speak one on top of the other but intertwined. It looked and felt like an explosion with the man in front of them at ground zero. They couldn’t even be heard singly except for a word here and there.

The Doctor put his hands in his pockets. “It’s better when it’s aimed at someone else.”

“Oh yeah, absolutely.”

“They’re terrifying, Rory. That’s coming from a Time Lord that’s seen terrifying things for a thousand years.”

“It took me a lot less time than that. I’ve seen this since I was eight. They’ve reached a whole new level since we found out River’s ours though.”

The Doctor noted, “It would be interesting to put your mother-in-law in the mix. From a scientific experiment point of view. Three Pond women united.”

Rory bobbed his head in the direction of the milkshake stall. “As long as they’re still pointed at him.”

Shock waves reverberated back. “If you’re afraid we’re going to bring your manager into this, then you’re afraid of the wrong thing! -- Do you really think we can’t be scarier?!”

Rory’s eyebrows went up. “I actually made out that part.”

“They really are frightening,” the Doctor said.

“Yeah. I try to use their power only for good.” Rory noticed movement at the stand. “Our shakes are ready.”
kerjen: (Default)
Summary: Amy decides: Enough is enough or River is never going to stop.

Note: This story is for Starjargon because I mentioned this idea to her and she said, "I need this!"




The Doctor slipped past River as he moved around the console. One of them shifted so their bodies brushed against each other, his front across her rear. Definitely her, but probably both of them made sure it happened. He began setting the controls to launch the Tardis off for the next adventure.

“Have you thought about what you want to do, River?”

“Just you, Sweetie.”

That made the tenth suggestive comment in the past seven minutes. Including:

“I speak multiple languages, Doctor, including English, Gallifreyan, sarcasm, and innuendo.”

“I know I’m being naughty, Sweetie. I’m trying to save Santa a trip.”

He said, “You bad, bad girl, River,” and she replied, "Only if I’m doing right."

Rory was nearly fetal on the floor from having to listen to all of it. Amy could take more than he could, but she had her limits and River disregarding her father’s discomfort crossed that line a lot quicker.

Her daughter had made a fatal error. She forgot how well her mother knew her. Amy moved across the console room to Rory and slipped into his lap. She pulled his willing arms around her. “You just reminded me. I said something like that to Rory on our honeymoon.”

River froze. So did the Doctor, but that wasn’t the point or a surprise.

“Well, not our honeymoon. It was our wedding night here on the Tardis.”

Her daughter’s shoulders hunched like they could cover her ears.

“Did you know we had bunk beds? I don’t remember if I told you when you were Mels. No lie, though, the Doctor actually made bunk beds for our room.”

Those hands usually so deft on the Tardis’ controls now darted about without focus.

“Imagine how tough those are to maneuver in. I mean, think about it, River.”

Even River Song didn’t want to think about that. Not about her parents.

“It means we made you in the bunk beds.”

Now their daughter was the one almost fetal on the floor.

Rory -- Rory -- dealt the crippling blow. “Or on the ladder.”

That did it. River practically ran from the room. The Doctor followed with a somewhat anxious, “River?” like he was to blame. He had made the bunk beds after all. She moved several steps away from him and stiff armed his approach.

“Don’t, Doctor! Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, don’t come near me -- just stay on the other side of the ship!”

“River! I didn’t know --” He ran after her.

Amy snuggled back against Rory’s chest. “That shut her up.”





Note: The bunk beds or ladder joke is from a twitter exchange between Steven Moffat, Neil Gaiman, and a River fan.

I did look up great innuendo exchanges a little while ago for this story and I think I used one or two -- the multiple languages and the Santa one. I honestly don’t remember which ones I created myself and which of them slipped into my subconscious. lol
kerjen: (Default)
Summary: First a home box written in a language that once could burn stars, raise up empires, and topple Gods. Then the oldest cliff face in the universe with a tongue that no linguist could read. All to tell the Doctor, Hello Sweetie. He had to be impressed with that, and he came up with a way to say just to her: Hi, honey. I’m home.

Title from the quote: Keep your relationship private, without keeping your partner a secret
-- Unknown

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oldest cliff face in the universe. What language could be engraved in letters 50 feet high that no linguist, in the billions of linguists over billions of years, could translate?

He had originally thought the message would be written by an obscure little world in a tongue forgotten long ago. They themselves might not speak it anymore, the way rare Time Lords knew the lost language of Old High Gallifreyan and rare humans knew Latin and even rarer were those who could read Tacitus.

But the Doctor began to suspect something else and it had to do with two women in his life -- well, one in his life and one creeping in whom he highly suspected would be just as big in his future.

As soon as he got back in his ship, he went to the console and gave the time rotor a good glare. “Did you and River make up that language?”

The Tardis gave some lights a twinkle and a few warbles out of her speakers. He guessed this meant, Maybe, but I’m not going to tell you just for the love of watching you stew or I happily choose to ignore you.

When he saw River, he tried again with, “You graffitied the oldest cliff face in the universe.”

Her reply, “You wouldn't answer your phone,” sounded suspiciously like chiding him about refusing to answer a call, and her own way of saying what the Tardis had.

It would be just like both of them to do it, for the sheer fun of all those people trying to create a translation matrix that existed only with them.

Just as important to them: no one could see what was for his eyes only.

That would explain why his ship hadn’t translated the Ancient Greek containing his Academy name. River knew the Tardis would keep that private too, so they could leave it up to him if he wanted to tell Amy.

He hadn’t. He wasn’t quite ready to share even that name, not yet. But River knew it. She knew every one of his names, but never broke his privacy in telling anyone else. She protected it every time she used one, even when calling him across time and the universe. First in Old High Gallifreyan on a home box in the Delerium Archive, the largest museum in the universe, and now this.

Wait a minute, he wondered in the back of his mind, how did River even know about the unanswered call? Was the Tardis actually phoning River? If that was true, he didn’t stand a chance.

He tried to get an answer out of her again as the Romans brought up their mounts.Her only response: “Try not to fall off the horse, Sweetie. We can’t afford to lose any time by going back for you.”

Who was she?

Yet another puzzle wrapped up in the overall enigma that was River Song. Except now... well, he was still frustrated, of course, that he didn’t know something that was obviously so important. But not completely aggravated anymore; now the riddle held a crumb of being intriguing. So his smile held that grain of “I’m impressed”. She was clever, intensely clever, so she knew he’d love these messages meant only for him in languages intended just for his eyes. She wrote not just Gallifreyan, but Old High Gallifreyan, and now in a dialect only the Tardis could tell him.

Mad blue box.

Madwoman.

Very maddening! She and her secrets were maddening.  He should keep running from her like he first said he would at the Byzantium. But that idea had rightly died a quick death.

By the end of rebooting the universe, she said, Yes.

He said, Nah in response to I’m sorry, but that's when everything changes.

How he looked forward to it.

He sought her out now instead of staying away until he was summoned. When the Ponds came back onboard right after their wedding (creating River, but who knew that except the woman herself?), he seized the nights to fall for Doctor River Song. He gave her what he gave no one else who sought or held his love. (Well, he had done it for his wife back on Gallifrey. Because a husband should show his spouse how much he appreciated that they had picked him.) He dressed up for River: he wore his dinner jacket to take her out. He wore his top hat and tails when he escorted her to parties and adventures, which were very often combined. He never changed out of his regular wear for someone, only for something that required it.

But one night, it was, “River! I’ll see you later! Tell Marilyn it’s too late, she'll have to use the biplane.” He did a little dance as he left the door, because who wouldn’t after a date with River Song?

Another night, it would be calling out through the Tardis door, “River, we got the wrong fish!”

Amy caught on to it right away. “Wait, you’re dressed up. You never dress up. Was River at the party?”

Of course he denied it. Because... because of reasons. Like he only wanted River to know it at the moment.

Then he completely gave himself away when Amy asked, “How is she?”

And he replied, “Fine.”

Ugh, the all seeing Pond.

Dressing up first said, Okay, you can drag me into things. Well, not drag because I came here to see you. Then at Berlin it had reached the level of, See how you hold my hearts, and, at last, it meant, Only one person held this unique place before you.

Of course Amy guessed it all the way back at the Byzantium; Rory followed close behind. They were the Ponds, and oh, River was Melody and Melody was a Pond too. She was them and she was the Tardis, who made up languages with her.

But only he and River spoke this one, as it should be. After all: that's between her and me, eh?

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August 2015

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